It Makes What It Makes: The Podcast
It Makes What It Makes: The Podcast is a place where we do what we want.
Join Lisa and Marian's conversations about anything and everything from fun topics like animals, to dating in middle age/perimenopause, to doubting the official story. Like lake house shots, it makes what it makes.
Email itmakeswhatitmakes@gmail.com
It Makes What It Makes: The Podcast
A Case for Being Loud
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
In this episode, Lisa and Marian discuss takeaways from the Drew Afualo book Loud.
What should we cover in the future? What are your thoughts on this episode? Have other opinions or feedback? Let us know at itmakeswhatitmakes@gmail.com.
Shout-out to our Buy Me a Charcuterie Supporters!:
The Librarian (first FMP cheese monthly supporter!)
Ambrosia (FMP cheese monthly supporter!)
The Other Preacher's Daughter (FMP cheese monthly supporter!)
Rosie (FMP cheese monthly supporter!)
The Seer (FMP cheese monthly supporter!)
Marian's Big Sis (FMP cheese monthly supporter!)
Hollywood
Paparazzi and J
Jack Black
Manbrosia
Special thanks to our producer, Jason Tedford, for making us crystal clear with our shenanigans.
Check out his studio here:
www.wolfmanstudios.com or email wolfmanrecordingstudios@gmail.com
Our theme music:
Organ Boogie
JuliusH download from Pixabay.com
Welcome to It Makes What It Makes, the podcast where we do what we want. And here we are. That's Marriott. I paused.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I left it wide open for you.
SPEAKER_00And I jumped right in there. Yeah, that's fine. All right. That's Marriott.
SPEAKER_01It is. It is crazy hot. And speaking of that, you know, last week, of course, like I'm like, God, it's so hot in my bedroom. What is going on? My air's like limping along, and I'm like, there's something messed up. And, you know, called the HVAC company. Luckily, I have one that I, you know, trust and can call. And they came out and it was de jumroll, please. It was, it was just an air duct. One of the ductwork things under the house was not attached.
SPEAKER_02Oh, not attached.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like come loose or something. So he reattached it and he's like, you should feel, you know.
SPEAKER_02At least you didn't have anything stuck in there. I mean, that was whatever.
SPEAKER_01Or an animal or kittens, a whole family of kittens living in there, you know. So yeah. I was I was happy with that. He was like, everything else looks good.
SPEAKER_02So I was thinking they didn't charge you a bajillion dollars to do that.
SPEAKER_01I mean, it was a pretty penny for them to come out, which I knew, but like I said, I trust them. And you know, the previous summer, they're like had to run some tests and like had to add some free on. So I was thinking, well, maybe it's gonna be, you know, that, which is even more is really kind of expensive, but it wasn't. So I'm like, all right. It was you know, um but you made it.
SPEAKER_02We're here we did it at Wolfman Studios in Little Rock, Arkansas, or at least Lisa is. I am that's right, with our friend Jason Tedford, who does not have merch anymore, by the way. I did check that we it came up a few weeks ago and I never side-checked. I I was updating the show notes because uh I forgot to mention, of course, we did podlets, but I do have it makes what it makes at gmail.com now.
SPEAKER_00Oh, look at that.
SPEAKER_02You can email us, give us your feedback.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Some feedback would be great.
SPEAKER_02Some feedback would what it'd be great.
SPEAKER_01It'd be great. Or just or jump in on a topic. Although we do have we do have folks that jump in on topics. We're in a group text, so we've got Kim jumping in on topics.
SPEAKER_02And I think she's starting to get that she has to set it up for us because Lisa's literally had amnesia, and some of those, some of the episodes she's listening to are old. I mean, I remember kind like when she says it, I remember the topic, but I don't remember. But sometimes it's a random side conversation. That's not part of the main, or at least not in the title of the podcast. I'm like, exactly. Okay, I wanna, I mean, I appreciate it, so I want to address it, but I'm like, I I gotta get a handle on where we are here.
SPEAKER_01Yes, big shout out, Kim, for giving us some feedback on some old some she's going on the all the way back through it. She has and she has given she's giving us context and everything, instead of just like, I agree with Marion.
SPEAKER_02Sometimes she does do that, but then she does, she knows to say, yeah. That's uh yeah, yeah. I mean, her and 179 of her closest friends downloaded the uh podcast last week. Up that's it's wild. I mean, you just wild I it's a testament to just keeping at it, I think.
SPEAKER_01I think so.
SPEAKER_02Because it's not about marketing.
SPEAKER_01No, oh my god, we're certainly not yeah. Our our strategy is let's just not do that.
SPEAKER_02Well, it's mostly neither of us want to do that in addition to the rest of our lives, and we don't want to pay for it, so there we are. Uh speaking of paying for it, yeah you can support the show if you like what you actually can do some things for free. Uh, one of those things is share the show. Um, another thing is like uh subscribe to the show on certain apps. Um you can rate us on some of them, you can give us comments, you can comment on some of them. But yeah. And every download counts towards that number. So I think some of them, I mean, I there's no way I'm pushing it to that high of a number, but I'm pretty sure like my Apple podcasts and Spotify might get the same episode, you know what I mean? Like might download it. There might be, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Right, there's like a tiny bit of double dipping, but it's like it's just you.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I mean, the max that would be in a week is four or something.
SPEAKER_01So Mary's over here fudging our numbers. That's right.
SPEAKER_02I mean they're but uh I I still have the um goal of getting us on YouTube, but that's been an ongoing. So if you if you know how to do that, have you actually done that before? Because there is an I'm asking the audience if you um because it does show that you can like add your RSS feed, but I was going through all this like identification rigmarole. So it might be that they just need time to like make sure it's a real person.
SPEAKER_01I don't really know, but anyway, right, whatever.
SPEAKER_02I don't know. It's it's not a huge deal, but I would like to have that option.
SPEAKER_01That presence, that other way, another way of another way of listening, yes.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, because I do a lot of um, I will watch the YouTube or listen to the YouTube videos of podcasts a lot of times while I'm working, I just have it on the TV and it's on in the background. So anyway, you can also support us financially. All the money goes back into producing the show. We have buymeacoffee.com slash female mentor pod still um, you know, again, we have other things. Um but we do have some long time supporters been supporting us on there. That's um the librarian, the other preacher's daughter, Ambrosia, Rosie the Riveter, the Seer, and my big sister, I think. And then, you know, I don't know, maybe someone else. But uh, we appreciate it. We really do. It's we're happy to do it. I know we like I know we complain about, you know, it's Monday, or I hear myself doing it, but I'm I do really, I mean, I the weeks we don't, it's funny because some Mondays I'm like, oh, we gotta do it. Yeah, and then other other, but when we don't, I miss it. Like, oh absolutely.
SPEAKER_01I'm like, oh, I didn't, you know, because again, I work from home, so I can get deep into that, like just me and Captain, and like, but I always feel better, like, oh, I went and did I got out of the house.
SPEAKER_02Right, you know, yeah, I do go to an office sometimes, but yeah, Mondays I'm I I kind of have just almost every week I'm just remote on Monday, so then I'm not like man because it'll it causes this whole stupid stress for me that it shouldn't, but there's this trash day, which is already a thing. But my housemate, bless her heart, has been doing the trash like every week. Okay, so there's that, and then also like I have to manage my time to be like I have to be at work by eight to get out of there at 4 30 to get back here, where there's like I'm not like rushing to the podcast, and I don't like that stress. I'm like, I just if I'm here, I don't have to change clothes. Uh you know, I mean, we're fine anyway. So yeah, do you uh I've rambled on a bit there. I'll be complaining about it to myself when I listen to the episode. Uh, do you have a G spot?
SPEAKER_01Uh no, but I I have some exciting news. I don't know. I don't know. It's in my Lisa's inappropriate exciting news. You know, that's just all what it is. So I've um broken my year-long streak, wink wink, nudge nudge. Yeah, yeah, congratulations. Thank you, thank you. I know it was getting a little scary there. Well, I was like, dang, it's been over a year. I think I think it's time to make sure, you know.
SPEAKER_02Um I do see that for sure where you're like, I just want to just want to check if anything works.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Like I want it to.
SPEAKER_01It's like, oh god. Gets a little, yeah, it got it felt started to feel a little strange. Like, what's going on here? But yeah, so yeah. Yeah, it's good. It's good.
SPEAKER_02Oh, there you go.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I was open to it. I I went to Nashville this weekend. That's right. How did it go? It was a lot of fun. It was kind of hot. Not like I would have thought, though. Not like it was in Arkansas.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, went to the main thing I went to was their symphony was playing Dolly Parton.
SPEAKER_03That's right.
SPEAKER_02And that was I knew I would like it, okay, because it's Dolly related, but it was actually amazing. Really? There were these three singers. So they did they didn't just play the songs, which though the symphony was great, but it almost kind of forgot because these girls, they were women, but they're young, uh, singing with they were amazing.
SPEAKER_00Wow.
SPEAKER_02I mean, they're just incredible singers, and uh, even Alex, she had a good time, and she's not, I don't know if she's much of a country fan at all. She didn't like she didn't ever hate on it, but I was like, first of all, surprised that she was interested in going when I first proposed the idea. But then yeah, she seemed to really enjoy it. So it was kind of fun that for some of the songs, she'd probably never heard them before at all. So it was a neat way to experience that, I thought. But yeah, I I had a good time. Oh, that's cool at that, and then we uh we we had a disappointing dinner, and then we had great dinner. With we found a place that did bucka shuck oysters, uh-huh. So, but it's every day they have oyster happy hour. So we went we went twice. I would have gone all the days had I known this. Right. Oh my gosh. The the Southern Steak and Oyster, highly recommended Nashville. And the shuckers will part of it is if you sit at the bar with them, they're very friendly, like you're just chatting. Yeah, we talked to this guy, and he's telling us all about his girlfriend. And I mean, he was like set in the bar, you know. It was not nice, no, he was great, so it was it was fun, and uh we saw the Music City Gents.
SPEAKER_01What is that?
SPEAKER_02Which I I think you should expect.
SPEAKER_01Oh, was that the oh is that like um what is it the magic mic stuff, but Nashville? Yes, okay, okay.
SPEAKER_02But it's uh it's not like this crappy one we saw in Las Vegas sanitized. This was more like what we had uh wherever we were, the biker bar.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_02What isn't do you even know the name of that place? I never remembered.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I never can either. Yeah, if I someone said it, I would go, oh yeah, I've been there for that thing.
SPEAKER_02They have they have their own space, but it's kind of like out a little bit. So much that they have a bus, you can get their shuttle to go back to Broadway. Oh, because it's yeah, which I was I I didn't remember. I know that it's the really the mecca for bachelorettes now, Nashville. But I feel like this time I saw more maybe it's because it was summer and we were there like kind of an off-season time before, but they have all these converted school buses as party buses. Yes, we saw a couple it was reminding me of like when I was in Panama and they had custom buses with their colorful and they have all the I started just waving at them every time. You know, they're so drunk.
SPEAKER_01Do you remember that when we were there for other pictures? I saw them. Oh, we saw them. I think we were just focused on but we were focused on the how cold it was and how mad we were how mad we were that we have to walk over here.
SPEAKER_02I mean, I was yeah, I mean, I still it was more walking than I want to do, but it's good for me. Yeah, it was hard in cowboy boots. So the night I went to the symphony, I did wear boots, and I was like, that's it. Yeah, yeah. I'm not, I can't keep up with this. Yeah, I can't wear the uniform. I especially can't wear the uniform of those girls. It's like hot pants and crop tops and cowboy boots and fake fake hats.
SPEAKER_01Oh, so funny.
SPEAKER_02The little 20 whatever's the 20 something. So funny. But it was nice to be in a city with a lot of younger people, to be fair. Yeah, I'm around a lot of old people. I forget and then I leave and I'm like, oh my god, it's so nice. Just that some people are actually attractive, you know. It's just a nice refreshing change. The dearth of attractive people, which I think of it.
SPEAKER_01I can imagine, yeah. No, I I understand.
SPEAKER_02But yeah, I think you should. I'll I'll meet up with you there sometime. We'll go to the I I'm now connected to one of the dancers, so we can let him know we're comfortable.
SPEAKER_00Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_02Because everybody is, you can just follow his socials, he followed me back. I was like, oh what?
SPEAKER_01So did you go? What was the place that when we were there for other preacher daughters' um birthday? Did you go revisit that bar? I can't remember the name of it. That we it was off, it was off Broadway, but it was right there. The the taco place? No, no, the bar that we found.
SPEAKER_02Oh, oh, the tavern, Tom's Tavern. No, yeah, no, I wanted to, but like we kind of went to reasonable places because I did I did mention probably way too many times about how much how expensive it was. I like that I'm still traumatized from going to the Vegas to the South. So we didn't get so we went to other places, but yeah, it was it was fun. We of course we're day drinking. We went to one place on the corner, it's like the very beginning of Broadway, and we could hear music. So it's a gal just playing acoustic by herself and everybody's good, like yeah, she was really good and probably closer to our age, and taking requests. And I mean, I tipped her, but it wasn't like uh whatever. We were the only ones in there for a bit. That's how early it was. It's like 11 a.m. Yeah, but then her band, she was gonna play with her full band, so we got to go see them Saturday night, and Alex knows a dude in one of the bands. Uh, or in the it's like the main band for the Barstall Sports Bar. Okay. Yeah, so we got we made it around. It was, but it wasn't quite we didn't have to climb as many stairs as we did when we went. I remember every time with that, like I swear we did so many stairs.
SPEAKER_03We did.
SPEAKER_02Everywhere we went, going up the stairs.
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_02I tried to keep we tried to keep it where it wasn't like a slammed schedule, but we were having a good time.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Well, that's good. That's good. Yeah. I mean, I'm glad yeah, it can be a fun time.
SPEAKER_02Right. It takes some it takes a little planning though. And like part of our thing though with that group was we stayed a little off site too. So you kind of have to plan, which I'm not mad about because you know, it was comfortable accommodations, but yeah, you have to think about okay, uh, getting back and forth. Yeah, it was great for the operat because we were right there, but like for to get into Broadway was a different, so just things to think about.
SPEAKER_01Yep, for sure, for sure.
SPEAKER_02But you know, I feel I felt a little more like, oh, I kind of have some idea, you know, where you know, where to go. Not really. I still had to walk more than I wanted to, but it's good for me, like I said.
SPEAKER_01I know. I keep I keep threatening I'm gonna start walking, and I don't know if I mentioned this last time because it still hasn't come in. It's supposed to be delivered today. So I went, I ordered um Captain a stroller. And this is not his first stroller. I had a bigger one when I had Twiggy and him, but I got one just for him.
SPEAKER_02Like, and it's really yeah, there's no way he could keep up with what you've yeah, mm-mm.
SPEAKER_01And he wants to walk it first, so it's like, sure. Yeah, and then then it's like okay, dudes, all right, get in a stroller.
SPEAKER_02We saw we went to we did go to the assembly food hall where we went before, just because oh yeah, yeah. They actually have it. Um I didn't go to it, but it was right there at Dolly Wines, one of their bar wine bars was the Dolly Wine bar. It didn't go to that, so you know, I guess I'll have to go back. But uh there was a golden labrador puppy in a stroller, and it was training, it was a service dog in training. Oh yes, so I'm glad I didn't try to touch it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02I was tempted.
SPEAKER_01Don't do that, yeah. Now, this I'm really excited about this stroller because it folds up, you know, like um like when you like a kid's stroller, those umbrella strollers, it folds up small like that, and that's what I was like really looking for, like something that's not huge and cumbersome, and like if I wanted to take um because there's never really a place for him to sit because he does he's not like a big dog who's gonna lay on the ground, and I don't necessarily want him on my lap the whole time, and you know, so if I want to take him to like a place that you could take your dog, then he could have his own seat and feel comfortable and stuff like that. Feel like the king, the king is in his polka dotted stroller, because of course I couldn't resist pattern, right?
SPEAKER_02Put a little matching polka dot bow tie on it, right?
SPEAKER_01It'll be adorable. It would be it'll be adorable, little little old baby.
SPEAKER_02That's right.
SPEAKER_01All right, do you have a G spot?
SPEAKER_02No, no, I mean, all right, there's always something, but yeah, I never I'm I I don't wanna I don't wanna be thinking all the time about the stuff I'm gonna gripe about.
SPEAKER_01But well, I actually do, I actually do think I'm like, oh, that'll be perfect, and then it flies right out of my head.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it happened to me. There was something like a day or two ago, and I'm totally cannot remember.
SPEAKER_01I think actually, you know what? It's coming back to me now. I don't know what I was watching, and I was like, and it's and it was just like a small clip of like some guy talking, and then the guys are around them, and then there's it's just a group of guys, and there's always that one group of one guy in the group who's like has does not have a golf club in their hand, but just they like randomly break out into a golf swing. Like, you'll notice it now. You'll notice it now. It's like you're that's worse than air guitar. It's worse than air guitar. All of a sudden it's just like a group of guys, and there's one guy just like like pretending he's hitting a like. I'm like, why?
SPEAKER_02That's like uh that's like when TikTok was new and you'd see the kids doing the dances. Yes, and there's girl girls doing the chair routine.
SPEAKER_01Like I These aren't young guys, these are guys like our age and above, and it's just like golf swing tourette or something, just breaking out into it.
SPEAKER_00I don't that's super weird.
SPEAKER_01I don't get it. Is there is there are there things that women do that like I just they just break out in like some kind of weird like that's been that's it reminds me, you know what actually reminds me when I was really young and doing cheerleading and you just kind of break out into a cheer just like because you're thinking about it like randomly.
SPEAKER_02That's exactly except I feel like it's worse when you're a grown-ass man.
SPEAKER_01Like just don't, yeah. Air guitar is a big one too. Yuck.
SPEAKER_02I know you that was one of your icks.
SPEAKER_01Oh, it's but yeah, the fake golf swing out of nowhere.
SPEAKER_02Like what that is uh you've now unlocked an ick for me, thank you.
SPEAKER_01Yep, just you'll see it everywhere now.
SPEAKER_02I don't know. I I'm telling you, I don't see a lot of people.
SPEAKER_01That's true.
SPEAKER_02Like the the retired people at the RV resort.
SPEAKER_01They're out there faking their golf swing.
SPEAKER_02Does maybe I mean they've literally dressed golfers, some of those guys.
SPEAKER_01I've literally seen it the old man look of like they always like golfing. Yes.
SPEAKER_02Does your dad dress like that?
SPEAKER_01Kinda. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I don't know. Well, my dad, my daddy owned him.
SPEAKER_01So what's so funny is like my dad has upped his game in a shirt. So I'm like, you know, I don't really can't make fun of him anymore. But for a really long time, he was like really committed to like giving blood. And I was like, every t-shirt was like gallonier, like blood donor, blah blah. I'm like, he just like, oh, another shirt. And like that just went into his rotation. I'm like, is every shirt of yours like from donating blood?
SPEAKER_03Like that's funny.
unknownDad.
SPEAKER_01Like our blood hero, like, what is going on?
SPEAKER_02And I think he got I think my dad really only wears t shirts to bed. So it's like, whatever. He's got Some from like when I was playing softball, so yeah, yeah, there's some old ones in there.
SPEAKER_01I mean, he has you know, my my parents' dad, or whatever, like he's still like, these are work clothes, these are church clothes, these are not at work or church clothes. You know what I'm saying? So his non-work or church clothes.
SPEAKER_02My dad's like, besides his pajamas, like or mowing a lawn, he wears the same stuff all the time. Nope. But it's already kind of nice, like he wears shirts with collars and he wears slacks, like most of the time. So it's fits everything. It's worth it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but your dad is also a hat wearing dad. My dad?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Oh, yeah, like his kangaroo leather hat.
SPEAKER_01He's a hat hat wearing dad.
SPEAKER_02He can't wear baseball caps because he has his head is too big.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_02Especially if he needs a haircut.
SPEAKER_01It's like I've ever seen my dad wear a hat. Like really, ever. Not once.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah, no. It was a thing the girls on the soccer team would tease me about it. He wore he would wear a cowboy hat to the soccer games. But it was cold. We played in the winter when I played soccer. It was cold for Houston, but like Yeah. No, like, oh, there's Marion's dad.
SPEAKER_01Never seen my dad in a hat, I don't think. Yeah. And maybe it's because I don't know. I haven't seen him. Maybe he thinks he doesn't look good in hats. And also, I have that gene, so I don't look good in hats. So there you go. Maybe I do look a lot like my dad.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02They're the jeans are strong. The jeans are strong.
SPEAKER_04Yep.
SPEAKER_02Can pick a pick a pick out of the lineup.
SPEAKER_01Yep. You can pick the whole Z out. That's for sure. All right. You ready to get into it? As much as we can. You know, I'm gonna, I'm not, I'm not a rather underpromise.
SPEAKER_02Well, I could stop you. I could I mean, and if you're worried about the length of time it's gonna be, which you shouldn't ever on the show, but um, I can give a GLP one update.
SPEAKER_01Oh, absolutely, yes, okay.
SPEAKER_02There's not much to tell.
SPEAKER_01I mean, I'm just well you've traveled now with with which was a good experience to have, I would say.
SPEAKER_02Um, it bumped me up about three pounds, but like I that sounds I mean, I can manage that in a day. Yeah, I mean, like, yeah, by the end of this week, hopefully I'm down. I mean, like, I'm I'm on the right trend, but it was a good experience to kind of be away from home and my safety net. Oh, okay. So the first day was kind of bad because I flew, so the schedule messed up my eating schedule, and I drank at the airport because that's what I like to do, and I went too long. So I that's a one of the only times, maybe second time while doing this where I really felt kind of nauseous. Like I just was like, that's too much. Then by dinner time, I couldn't really fix it. I just kind of had to sleep, right? Sleep it off and start over. But we had breakfast at the hotel, so I was able to get like eggs every morning, make sure I oh good. I I did better, you know, as a but yeah, it takes some more planning than I would normally do. So that was a good lesson. And then I could tell when it was wearing off because that's the first, like, that's the only full meal I ate on the whole trip. But I really at the Southern Steak and Oyster, oh my gosh, that filet. Let me just tell you. So good, but yeah, but then I ate all of it and I was like, oh, yeah, and you're like, oh boy, but it's vacation. The best that I could is what bothered me. I was like, I know it's time, so I gotta get home and yeah, but but it didn't, yeah.
SPEAKER_01It's okay.
SPEAKER_02I probably should time before a trip a little better too, how I do the shot, but like whatever. It's more planning than it is the whatever. And and I was looking online about how can I take it to Ireland? Because I was like, that's too long.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, and yeah, it should be easy if it's in a if it's all contained correctly. Yep, yeah, and and you can keep it temperature controlled or whatever. So and the little things, insulated things are cheap.
SPEAKER_03Yep.
SPEAKER_02So yeah. So yeah, no, that was probably the biggest changes. Yeah, learning to do the travel. And I probably ought to, if I'm if I know I'm gonna be on a long flight to pack some of my own snacks, just so I know, so I keep the study. Because to your point about being on a plane and eating snacks, uh the mo actually, unless I paid for one of their upcharge snacks, I couldn't eat anything on the plane. Nothing's gluten-free. And then it all would have been carbs, like super carby. So it would have been like cheeses.
SPEAKER_01But I mean, here's my here's my, you know, you know, I'm here's okay, not a dietitian, but I do because I do, I stay, I stay in the thick of it in the Reddit posts and things about GLPs and things like that. You know, it is it is about a calorie deficient, you know, about about staying calorie deficient, but carbs are not your enemy on this.
SPEAKER_02They're not, but I find that I can eat more of them, and that's bad, right? Like I can keep going. It reminds me of some of the stuff with the lap band, like where you you have to eat slowly sometimes. That is a thing for sure. And then if I can bypass it a little bit if I'm eating carbs, so I eat more, I end up eating more if I'm not focused on the protein first. So I'm I'm not against it. And if you need food, you need food, but like it it is an ideal for me anyway. It's it's not an ideal way to manage it because yeah, and I feel like I burned through it quicker, like I'm hungry sooner. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01But I still also really I want to get that, but still haven't got the book about eating for your blood type. And what I know about mine is like they're like, oh, if you're like, because I'm have type B blood, they're like, and that and it's always been like if I stayed intuitive my whole life, they're like carbs are your friends. So for me, it's like when I get, I can't do that, Atkins, or I can't do the keto. I can't. Like, I feel like total shit. And it's like, that's why I'm like, I I have to have my carbs.
SPEAKER_02That's yeah, I mean, I'm not they're they're not the enemy per se, but they your body does have, I mean, they are processed into sugar, it is like a it's just something to be aware of. Yep, but for me, yeah, it's it's not uh if that's the food and I haven't eaten any food is fine, but yeah, it's not it should I need a plan ahead where I can eat the sna control more of the snacks, yeah. So yeah, that's more of the point of that. But yeah, like I do like airport drinking. I don't know why. There's something about it, it's like a land of lawlessness. I mean, especially after you go through security, right? The contrast of okay, I'm gonna submit to the stupid TSA bullshit, but then now time doesn't exist, so yeah. I I don't know, I enjoy that. That's interesting. So it's a it's already vacation because I'm at the airport.
SPEAKER_01Okay, yeah. For vacation, yeah, absolutely. I'm like thinking like when I travel, I'm like just get to the damn gate, get on the damn plane, get out of my face.
SPEAKER_02Well, I am one of those people that uh I manage my travel anxiety by being early. But one of the benefits is you can go sit at the bar for a bit. Yeah, and like you know, just settle, settle and then go to your gate. It's fine, it's like much easier because otherwise it's I'll stress about it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, you you are you are definitely a get there early.
SPEAKER_02I try to be good about it with other people, like not subject to it.
SPEAKER_01I totally understand. I mean, I get it. And you know what? And if I was trying, if I if like okay, if the airport in Little Rock was a bigger airport, I would probably sweat a little bit more, but it's like this is the tiniest stupid airport.
SPEAKER_02You literally go up the escalator and you're there.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's like um, and then once you like once you're through security, it's like, oh, there's only one thing, like it's oh yeah.
SPEAKER_02I get I've eaten at that chili. I've gotten there early to drink beer at the chili.
SPEAKER_01Yep. I used to know the manager, but such a it's such a small town, and you'll inevitably see someone you know at the airport.
SPEAKER_02Oh yeah, 100%. I see people I know there all the time though. Also, I'm related to like the neighboring county, so yeah, it's like our little tiny pretend, it's like one of those little play school airports. Just like everybody I've been to one smaller airport than that, and that was uh Redmond, Oregon. It's like a tiny little outpost, but I think I flew.
SPEAKER_01Well, Saginaw, Michigan wasn't real big either. That was a little teeny tiny one. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Weird place to go.
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah, that was for work back in the day.
SPEAKER_02I figured, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Nobody's like Saginaw, Michigan, say yes to Michigan.
SPEAKER_02Like the Glenn Campbell song.
SPEAKER_01Oh, is that is that in Saginaw, Michigan? No, I only know it from back in EDS days, going up there.
SPEAKER_02Goodness. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Crazy.
SPEAKER_02Yep, so yeah. So same old, same old, I feel like. No news on the good. I mean, I'm I like that it's not, I don't know. It I know it's working, but it does get slower processing.
SPEAKER_01I do have a question. Have you experienced any of the, and I'm gonna mess up this word, Adahenia, adohenia?
SPEAKER_02So that's the like lack of interest in doing things. Um so I I have come to believe that those people have never experienced depression. So like okay. As a person who has a bent towards being low, I experience that all the time anyway. To some extent, like I just, you know, you're just like not interested. And and I there are some times I feel that way, but not to the extent that they seem to, and I think it's because like you you're more attuned to it, maybe as a person who's been depressed. I don't know, but uh it has seems like it's also been a positive thing for people. Like I read more posts about I was an alcoholic and now I can look at a beer and have no, it can sit in front of me all night. I have no interest. Yeah. So I don't know. I I I early on I saw more posts like that, but I do think, yeah, I think they're just not used to that feeling or lack of feeling. And I don't know that that's all the drugs, or if it's just I think part of it's psychological because you're kind of replacing something in your life, but you don't know what to replace it with.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_02And you've been a person whose mind is consumed uh many times, not always, but by food or by uh the food noise or your own body like feeling um embarrassed or or frustrated and beating yourself up. Like there's a whole mind fuck. And I wonder if part of what they're feeling is just the lack of it.
SPEAKER_01Oh, because you it does, yeah. Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_02I don't know what you replace that with, but also, yeah, again, my other thought, I mean, my main thought is you've never been really depressed, like in clinically, um the people that are and and everybody responds to things differently too, so I can't like deny someone else's experience, but um I'll still drink, but I I love that food or drink, I can just put it down where before I would go start to finish. Like my deal is like finish my plate or finish my drink, and not even, and if I wasn't conscious of it, it the drinks in my hand, it's almost gone, like it's gone, right?
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_02So, which is not a healthy way to, especially if you're drinking calories. So, yeah, yeah. I drank way less on this trip than I would have in the in the past on off a GLP one because I would have had the capacity for it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, okay, yeah. No, it's just interesting because I read a lot about that, like what you're talking about. People are like, I have no desire to drink. I'm, you know, some people have like quit smoking, but then the other ones are like, it just took away my desire for everything. But then there's women on there's like this has been a godsend because it has taken away my desire to like put everybody like make everybody else happy, and now I'm just more focused on myself. I'm like, this sounds great.
SPEAKER_02Like that is, yeah. Like what? Well, I mean, it depends too. Like doing it coinciding with uh perimenopods is great. You're like, I didn't care about that too much anyway, right? I did, I will instead of a G spot, I will say though, I had the only bad lift experience I think I can remember. Oh, we got I think it was the last one. We were going to the we we had afternoon flights, so we went and did stuff in the morning. I forget what we did first. Oh, brunch. We did brunch, and then I didn't really want to stay at the place we're at because it was like hot and it was indoor outdoor, like it was indoors, but the sun was coming through the roof. It was this whole aesthetic place, and I was like, uh it just wasn't I was like, Can we go somewhere else? And and so we walked, of course, it was way further than you think because it's always a further walk than you think. Um, but anyway, so we had him, but you can put it into Lyft or put it okay, take us to the airport or take us to the hotel to get our bags and then to the airport, right? So that was right from the beginning, whatever, and then and so you're it wasn't like we asked him to do extra things. Anyway, I said on the so we and I had this experience the whole weekend where Lyft and Uber drivers were just not talkative, which is fine, yeah. But I didn't I wasn't gonna like make it happen if they weren't wanting, you know what I mean? Like they were so by the time I got to this guy, and he was quiet. I wasn't, I don't even know. We just got in. I think I'm almost certain we said like thank you. I don't know. Anyway, we got to the hotel, we for sure did, because we picked up our bags, and then you gotta wait for a second. It wasn't bad. We were just because it was right at the front desk. Anyway, we got to the airport, and and he had been like quiet, quite the whole time. But again, I went, but he came up on me, but he got our bags out, and he walked up like it's almost like he knew when we were separated. This is how I'm interpreting it. Alex didn't hear what he said, okay, and I'm like, mm-hmm. Anyway, and he got right up next to me and and said, You know, it's rude not to say hi to someone when you get in their car. What he was like cold, like this guy. Oh thank you for responding that way because for she didn't hear what he said, so she kind of was tempted and responded. I was like, No, he I feel like he knew what he was doing, where he didn't say it to both of us. She had gotten in the car first. I mean, I guess he knew it was me because my picture went, you know, which person recorded the ride, but I guarantee you we thanked him at both stops. Like, but he he used that physical kind of got upright and leaned in to my ear to tell me that. How like in my personal space strange? It was weird and a little threatening.
SPEAKER_01I felt like that's still, but it's also so freaking bizarre.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and I can't help myself, it upset me, like, but I wasn't gonna like give him any kind of whatever. No, you're not gonna I don't do well with that sort of thing where you just like body slam me with something bad feedback. I mean, it was just yeah, I don't know hit his intention there, but like first of all, this was a business transaction, like we paid you for a service. We didn't mess up your car, we didn't puke in there, we weren't like if you didn't want to talk, we weren't forcing you. I don't know, it was really rude. Like it was, but also, yeah, it was mildly threatening. That's you don't know what men are gonna do. Like, the whole thing is like I maybe I feel a little too comfortable taking Ubers and Lisbs, but I've never had a problem before.
SPEAKER_01I never felt that guy's just that was that's just so out of pocket and weird.
SPEAKER_02She was angry.
SPEAKER_01That's weird. That's that's on him, that's all his shit. Whatever has been going on with him, and whatever, like maybe he's mad that he's already.
SPEAKER_02So, why would you do that if your job depends on people giving you reviews? Right? So it was extra weird, you know. But I got it handed to Lyft, gave me like some money back already from the beginning, like ride off, because I was like already. It asks how your ride was. It gives you like three choices, a little different than Uber, and it's like uh bad, okay, and great. And then it goes into stars and like what was good about this trip, whatever. So I had already put like it was okay or whatever, and they're like, Oh, well, what went wrong? Which they never usually ask that. And so I was like, I don't know, the best one I could pick was the driver was rude. Um, and then basically I couldn't give him more than four stars at that point in the feedback, which I was fine with, I wasn't gonna give him five anyway, but like I just thought that was an interesting way they do the processing. Oh my god, yeah, they gave me like three dollars back right off, huh? Like, we're sorry your comfort ride wasn't comfortable, yeah. So again, so no slam on lift, right? You don't know who's gonna be what, and he might have been having a bad day. I don't know. I since when do men care? Oh, you didn't say hi to me.
SPEAKER_01I I don't know. I can't, I don't, I can't even think of a I I can't even like conjure up a reason why he would say that, like, but also it is that whole I mean, part of me is like, it's just more dudes expecting women to make everything more comfortable and like always attend to them.
SPEAKER_02Like, I will and I don't, but I don't understand why he had to make it like very personal to me. Yeah. Also, like, why did he come up on me? And like, I I feel like he's that kind of person. Him, this is how I interpret it, right? I probably maybe I'm adding too much meaning, but I'm like, that's the kind of man that does shit like like that. Like some in something instinctual in him to his shitty behavior was to not say it out loud to both of us, were other people heard, or of course not. Yeah, because he's something to it. Like he might be an abusive person.
SPEAKER_01Like he knows that's shitty, he knows he's being shitty, but if he separates you guys from each other and he says it to just one of you, then it is your word against in because no one else heard it. It's he gets away with it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I'm like, that's like abusive man behavior, is what I what I thought. I was like, this is this isn't the only thing you've done like this. This is like a random I don't know. That's a that's a that's what I took from it. But I mean, did he say hi to y'all?
SPEAKER_01Like, I mean, or maybe he said it, you guys didn't hear it. Like, what? Like, there's so much that can be misinterpreted in communication. I get it.
SPEAKER_02You know, there's been times where on his on his end?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, maybe he's like, hi, you guys, and then you guys were like, you know, maybe you guys didn't hear him.
SPEAKER_02Maybe yeah, I don't know. I didn't know if he spoke English. A bunch of them you don't know.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, I know, I know.
SPEAKER_02So I what you know, you don't want to presume either way. Yeah, when they're just quiet and they don't even barely acknowledge that you're getting in the car, which he didn't. He barely acknowledged we were getting in the car except to wait for us to get in. So, like you kind of set the tone, sir.
SPEAKER_01So crazy. That's crazy. And then now I'm thinking about all my like Lyft and Uber drives. And I've had some ones where it's like, I've got to take an Uber home. Like, I have to leave my car here. I have to, you know, and I'm like, maybe little, little, little tipsy on that night. And I have and I and I know I had an older gentleman Uber driver. I'd probably, I think, you know, if you're at that point, I think I just talked his ear off. I don't remember what I said.
SPEAKER_02Oh yeah, I've been there.
SPEAKER_01And I'm like, oh my God. Because most Uber drivers and Lyft drivers, if they're picking people up late at night at a bar, they're ready. They know. They know what they're signing up for. Put it that way.
SPEAKER_02Exactly.
SPEAKER_01And you know, if I'm a Lyft or Uber drive, I'm gonna follow the the the whatever, the however that person wants to act. If they want to talk, let's talk. If they don't, I respect it. Put on your ear pods and like I'll just drive you to your Destination. Like, I'm good.
SPEAKER_02So I guess that was a I did have a G spot. That was kind of lengthy, but it's a good one. It was so jarring. Yeah. I found it jarring. I am someone who will internally at least react emotionally to that. Like I know it's not right. Get out of that. Like, what was the I know he was in the wrong, but I still kind of felt shitty. It's like you know what I mean? Like it had its intended.
SPEAKER_01It's a it's a lift ride, not a date. Get over it.
SPEAKER_02I know, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Like he can he needs to like just get over it. Next move on to the next ride.
SPEAKER_02Right. This was 20 minutes of your life.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Just get on with it. So weird. Yeah. That's a weird one.
SPEAKER_02Thank you for acknowledging that it was. Yeah, it makes what it makes at gmail.com. If you think I'm in the wrong and I should have said hi to that guy and should have been tried to make nice with him.
SPEAKER_01Gotta be, yeah. It's not, listen, you we don't have to do all that emotional labor all the time. Geez.
SPEAKER_02Right. That is a good transition though for you to introduce the topic.
SPEAKER_01Let's get in there. So we're gonna talk about this book. It is titled Loud, and I don't know how to say her last name, but it's written by Drew Afalo. Afalo?
SPEAKER_02I don't know. If I wouldn't Afuelo. Afuelo. Oh, maybe. I don't really know. It's she's Samoan. Samoan, yes. And so she doesn't even pronounce Samoan like that, but I don't know how to do the accent.
SPEAKER_01I can't either. But um I thought it was a good, you know, it was something I picked up for my most recent flight. And I thought, oh, you know, I like fluffy reads when I when I fly. And um and it's and she's a young podcaster. And I thought, I want to hear this perspective. It's always interesting. I'd heard some of her um, not listen to all of her podcasts, but a lot of her videos on TikTok at, you know, when she's doing her podcast, as well as, and she um collaborates with a lot of like younger podcasters as well. And I always thought, gosh, she's funny, you know, I like what she's saying. And so when I found out she had a book, I'm like, heck yeah. And what'd you find out? She's like 30. Yeah, yeah, she's she's a baby. But I don't know, it was it was pretty good. Um, so and a little disclaimer, I read this on the plane before I was diagnosed with transient global amnesia. So just bear with me on this one.
SPEAKER_02I think it's it is important to note that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, a little bit. But just, I mean, she obviously she introduced herself and talks about like her parents and like her heritage and growing up and watching their marriage and how it was not necessarily um traditional, and that, you know, she watched her dad, you know, not be as staunchly like, I'm a dude, and like, and how they split, they split work in the in the household and you know, his his career and his mother, her mother's career, and that sort of thing, and a lot about like her growing up. And one of the things that as we were getting ready, and I thought about, and she talked about how close she is with her family. And I thought a really vulnerable story that she shared was talking about when her sister came out to her. And I was like, and it was really interesting because she really didn't hold back and try to paint herself as being anything but what actually happened and how this was my favorite story in the book, or maybe the most poignant for me.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Because when she her sister came out, like she was, she didn't, she she admitted she didn't know how to act. And you know, she's already had to reconcile like the idea that she had she has friends in LGBTQ and she supports LGBTQ, but it was something it was very hard for her to process that her sister was had come out as lesbian.
SPEAKER_02And but I I can imagine though, right? Like especially when they grew up as teenage girls, she's talked about them dating men or do boys and having crushes and they loved uh what was it, NSYNC or one of the which uh one of those one of the boy bands. So I can imagine it's an adjustment, but I do appreciate her talking out the whole thing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. And so it just processing that. And then once, you know, she finally was like, okay, and then she talks about, then she talks about the guilt on she's like, now I have to live with that reaction that I gave my sister, who I love so much, and I do just want her to be happy and I do support her, but how poorly she reacted. And I was like, yeah, that's true, because there are times where I think back, even you know, on myself, I'm like, God, I reacted so poorly, and then I made that person that I care about so much feel, you know, maybe unaccepted or like I didn't love them anymore or whatever. And it's like, and it, and it was had nothing to do with that or them. It was something that she had to process. And I get it because it is it is hard, like the identity part. Like, whoa, it was a whole changeup. So we're not gonna talk about guys, you know, what does this mean? You know, that sort of thing. Like, well, how do I what does that mean for her relationship with her sister, which she ultimately is like, well, it doesn't change any of that?
SPEAKER_02Like to to back up a tiny bit on context on that the way she came out to the to Drew to her sister, she was already had been in a relationship for several months.
SPEAKER_01Yes, so she was gonna, yeah.
SPEAKER_02So I think, I mean, which I think adds to it. I mean, I in any case, it's gonna be weird. I mean, whatever, but as much of it was she like told their mom first that she was in a relationship, and I and I think that's actually like a fair sibling if you're close like that response.
SPEAKER_01Like you told mom first, and you've already had it, you're in love, and you didn't tell me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%.
SPEAKER_02Well, her sister got me with her reactor more like trying to make her sister kept trying to make her feel more comfortable, which was sort of the heartbreaking part about. But I mean, I mean, long story short, they did make up.
SPEAKER_01Yes, yes, yeah, yes. So to me, that was one of like, again, I was like, wow, what a what an interesting, and and I really appreciated um the author being really honest about that because oh, so many times people want to paint themselves in this perfect light, and I was so supportive, you know. It's like, it's like, no, we fuck up. And you know, I th I was I appreciated hearing a fuck up.
SPEAKER_02Well, I mean, and it's human relationships and human messiness, it's not you're not always at your lofty ideals.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And so she talked, she talked, there was a it was a pretty um in-depth story about that, and I really liked um, you know, she talks a lot about it's not the book's not all about dating, but she talks a lot about that as far as you know dating and advice that she would give to young women. So thinking back, I mean, I can't, I don't know if you remember it, and that's why I'm like being because it's hard for me to remember what I read. Um but what do you what do you think about some of her dating advice, which is um like basically, you know, she's she's pretty much she really doesn't give up a lot of ground for men.
SPEAKER_02And well, part of it is she hardly dated.
SPEAKER_01I guess, yeah.
SPEAKER_02She's not necessarily wrong, it's just she didn't have a lot of experience, and she mar she, I don't know if they're married, but she got with her partner in their 20s. So I have a hard time relating to that. Yes, she's also 15, 16 years, whatever, 15 years younger than me. No, more than that. I'm not good with the math right now, but in any case, in that neighborhood, she sort of had it a little different than we did. Uh, so I'm not discounting her experience, but she grew up in a world where it was a little easier to be to fuck politeness.
SPEAKER_01I agree, I agree.
SPEAKER_02Um, but I appreciate the that it's advice for younger people, like we do it is hard to until you see it, you don't see it. Like, I I think we've talked about um how they'll pit women, men'll pit women against each other, like like they're the prize, and the women need to compete. And until you see that, or have experienced, you know, until like she uh she talks about her other long-term relationship where the guy cheated and she went and talked to she went and talked to, I think she was the other woman, but she went and talked to found out she was the other woman, and yeah. Um so good honor, but that's not even something that would have been in my on my radar that young. To do it to even to to to first of all, I would be like, I can't believe he I would take on a lot of it, like, what why wasn't I good enough? I think at that age, I'm older than I'm gonna do it. I see what you're saying, I but I wouldn't put up with it. Um but like to or to consider that angle of it, like that she's not just a villain, she is experiencing the same thing you are because he's played you against each other. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Right. And and and she does talk about that. She's like, and I and I think I think about that too. It's this is and we've talked about triangulation on this, on this, bef on this podcast before, and she could have so easily fallen into that trap that oh, but you don't understand, like I'm not in love with my wife anymore, and you know, she's she's you know, mean to me or whatever, she's a bitch, she's crazy, but and I love you, and so you become like, oh, also you hate this other woman who he has to like succumb to you know what I'm saying, it's like bullshit stuff, and it's it's so easy to fall into that trap.
SPEAKER_02Where it's being the cool girl, yes, yes, oh you're not like other girls, you know. Like now I know what it is, but younger I would have been like, yeah, well, I mean, because I was always hanging out with when I was younger, I hung out with guys, so it seemed like a compliment, but it basically was a a barrier like a way to tell you don't fuck this up. Men are like, don't, you know, they're setting the boundary on you. Yes, you're like, oh no, you better not ever be like other girls because they're crazy.
SPEAKER_01And it's like, no, yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_02So she drama, they're all about the drama. I so don't so don't ever get upset about anything, and right, you know, and it's the you can't ever take it, you know, you can't get upset if they tease you because you can't take a joke.
SPEAKER_01That means you can't take a joke, right? Don't get upset, don't ever.
SPEAKER_02I mean, and now at this point in life, I can see the utter hypocrisy of it because the last thing a man wants to be is embarrassed. So and they and she says that in the book too, like they can never take it, they can dish it, but they can never take it.
SPEAKER_01Right, right. And, you know, and so I was like, I was really impressed with how she handled that. And she was hurt. I mean, it's not like she was like, Oh, sure, you know, like, oh, fine. You know, it was like she went, she was like, no, this really fucked me up, but I was not gonna hate this woman, and I needed to, you know, let her know. And, you know, it's it's pretty wild. And for her to be that young to do it, especially. Um, and I've only tried to do that one time, and it can it can go badly for you as somebody who's caught into in a triangle, if you will, that they may that woman may not take it so well, they may not be ready to be not be a pick me. And they may just see you as coming in and like flaunting it, and it's like, no, no, I'm not trying to flaunt anything. I just need you to whoa, hey, I think this guy's playing us both. Like, and some women just can't take that. So, and so there is that risk as well that you also then you become a common enemy or whatever the hell, you know, caught up in their drama. So, you know, so she talks about that. Um yeah, okay. So she talks a lot about misogyny and like women, and I'm gonna read this really quick. What is this? She has like her myths. Let me get into this. Myths. Okay, myth number three girls are drama. So she does talk about that. So she's Oh, the myths are great.
SPEAKER_02Like of the most like tangible things she gives out. It's good advice.
SPEAKER_01Yes, I think so. And she's like, a technique I found to be helpful here is practicing radical honesty with myself about my own feelings. When you really sit with your emotions towards other women, it becomes a lot easier to recognize the internal misogyny that is driving your reactions and responses. If I saw a woman I didn't know but felt disdain toward her for no reason, I started to ask myself, is she really a bad person or am I just being a hater? And if I am, why? This kind of thinking really changed the game for me because it allowed me the space to not only sit with my feelings, but also confront my prejudiced thoughts. So she's really talking about that internalized misogyny that a lot of women do to a lot of other women. Like, and it's like, yeah, and it is, and it is a it is a total different, you know, change of mindset. It's like, no, we are we're together in this. And like, yeah, I'm not gonna go around hating a woman for no reason or because she looks extra cuter than me today tonight, or whatever the fuck, you know. It's like, no, we support that shit. I'm not here to tear somebody down. We get enough of it.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_01So, and so she's talking about, she goes, remember, it's not only a symptom, but a goal of the patriarchy to pit women against one another. So she talks about modifying her thoughts and patterns and how that gave her autonomy and allowed her to consider if she was going to give into this misogynistic and unproductive attitude towards women who have done nothing to her, or if she was gonna decide for herself how she viewed them. So it was, you know, I think she has some really good points and things. It's like, I know that I've like had to come to this and it's just nice. It's like it, I it was really nothing new, but it was like, I want, I'm glad it's like being said again. And maybe there are women out there, you know, especially in that younger age group that will listen and go, Oh, what the fuck? What have I been doing?
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_01Why am I pushing other women down because I want some this one guy, this uh because so I'll be picked. Right. Or like you said, the cool girl who doesn't get upset or, you know, doesn't, you know, whatever. So it's like, and then she talks about um so myth number four is like you can fix him.
SPEAKER_02So she does like even our moms might tell you that.
SPEAKER_01Right. Um, and she admits it. She's like, she's hardly, you know, she doesn't have a lot of relationship experience, you know. But she talks about that. She goes, and let's see. So your romantic relationship should not make you feel bad about yourself, have you questioning your passions, ambitions, or desires, or fill you with nerves about how your partner could react to something you did or said. So it's just, you know, very interesting. Like you should be excited to see your person, and they should be fully accepting of who you are as a complete, whole, and fulfilled person, with or without them by your side. You know, it's just, you know, and like basically it's normal to go through the experience of being with the wrong person. She talks a lot about identifying that, and that's really when she talks about that relationship that she had with the married dude. Um and she talks a lot about setting boundaries, not losing yourself in another person, which is really, really, you know what, it's really a lot harder than people say because I've done it a bazillion times, and I'm 52, and that's it.
SPEAKER_02Well, the myth, the myth of being alone as being miserable.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that is a myth.
SPEAKER_02But a lot of women think that.
SPEAKER_01Mm-hmm. Oh, right. They think the ultimate prize is to have that relationship. Yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_02Well, I mean, it does, I mean, I'm a perpetually single person. I mean, I feel like a lot of my a lot of our even still media, not just people, like culturally, there's so much value placed on that romantic relationship as being the the pinnacle of human experience. Right. I mean, let alone the woman being a mom thing. Like that somehow you'll never be fulfilled in your other relationship. Like, also, if you're depending on one man for your emotional support, you're gonna always be disappointed.
SPEAKER_04Ugh, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Or one person, your part, like this is my whole thing of like, I don't think you should ask your partner to be everything to you. I don't think it's fair. I think you need to come as a complete person.
SPEAKER_01Oh, absolutely, yes, absolutely. I'm like that, I'm looking at I'm looking through my notes.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I like I don't know what you have on there, so I don't want to mess with your agenda.
SPEAKER_01Go ahead.
SPEAKER_02It's this is a no-the other part I really could relate to was her job situation.
SPEAKER_01Mm-hmm. So say more.
SPEAKER_02Um, you might have notes on it, so that would help, but she got fired from what she thought would she worked really hard to get this job. She her background is like sports media and ended up after whatever getting hired by a big company and having the job she thought she really wanted. And as many of us find out, working hard doesn't get you ahead. Yeah, not on its own, anyway.
SPEAKER_01Like right.
SPEAKER_02Uh and uh so sort of how she but she didn't even quit, like she was kind of miserable before, but she didn't even quit, like they fired her for not being they they claimed that she wouldn't be able to wouldn't be able to build a platform or wasn't able to build a platform, which was hilarious because then the whole reason we're reading this book is because she got on TikTok and built a following, um, and that's her whole job now. But I can relate to the thinking this is what you want, trying to achieve something, and then realizing nothing's like how you think it is, um, and that people don't value the things you think they will or should, or just being treated poor. I mean, like, no matter how well you do getting treated poorly, like just expected to do it was yeah, I don't remember. Yeah, I hope you have some notes because I just I I just remember because I can relate a lot more to that. Like I I especially earlier in my career in politics, it was mostly dudes. I mean, it's a situation like on Mad Men where uh Joan ended up being a partner and they still expected her to get everybody's coffee. Yes, yes, and uh to an extent I experienced that the woman is all you're always expected to do any of the if there's birthdays in the office or I mean any of the shit. In fact, yeah, I I don't want to go off on a rabbit trail yet. But yeah, so so that was probably one of the more relatable stories too for me.
SPEAKER_01I think that uh to me, a lot of the the um Um because I my my weight has fluctuated a lot in my life. And so I really, really, I really related to when she talked about being different sizes and her being a very tall woman. Not that I'm tall, but I'm like, yep, I can I can see how that would be like you would just feel bigger.
SPEAKER_02And oh well, well, men are already gonna feel emasculated because you're taller than them, like it's something you can control. Right. And that that you that somehow they're less than or you're making them feel less than because I don't know. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Because you are just we're born taller, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Born to be taller. Uh but yeah, she talks a lot about you know that, and you know, what was that? She had a funny story about, I guess, what did she did she break? Did she break something? I can't hardly remember. Did she break something? She had to go to the emergency room, and like she was maybe 14, 13, 14, and the doctor was like, on a different note, you're done growing. And she was like, Yes. But so yeah, you know, lo and behold, she grew, like she kept growing. But yeah, I thought that was.
SPEAKER_02And as is for a lot of girls, that she had her grow spurt early, earlier than the guy. So it was like however many years of school, she was the really tall person. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And so, yeah, that was you were talking about dying alone. She talked a lot, she talked about that.
SPEAKER_02Which is, you know, I I'm not scared of it, but also like it is an interesting thing now coming from someone who has a life partner, too. To be like, you know what I mean? Because did you have you experienced that kind of loneliness? I don't know if she has in life. I'm not being I'm I'm being a little nitpicky at this point, but like I think it's different when you've actually been alone.
SPEAKER_01Again, it's we have to take it for what it is.
SPEAKER_02She's the 30 years old. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01This I would let, you know, give her 20 years, you know, she might circle back and uh have different, you know, there might be a I don't know.
SPEAKER_02I mean, she's not wrong, it's just yeah, I don't know. I think I feel territorial almost as someone who is the only thing I uh again, I'm I'm so bad with the rabbit chasing, and I feel like I if you were gonna say something. No, go ahead. Oh, I the only thing that bugs me about being alone as I get older is who's gonna who's gonna call the ambulance.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02Because I love being on my own. I'm just like I just every once in a while it crosses my mind. I'm like, there's not really anybody who's responsible to make sure I'm okay.
SPEAKER_01They have, do you know, they have like whole systems like the life alert stuff. I know, but I'm I'm 40, I'm not even 45.
SPEAKER_02I'm not ready for that. I do have it set up on like my watch if I have a fall or crazy heart rate or anything like that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02It's supp I've never tested it, but it's supposed to alert people.
SPEAKER_01Well, our our friend Deb had a fall when she went to the beach about maybe a month, a month and a half and ago. She had such a fall down some stairs that her watch was like, Do we need to call di? Basically, like Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So I almost almost ate it at the symphony. I my boot caught one of the stairs going down to the bathroom. It was a short stairwell, but that's all like marble floors. Ooh. So I was like, oh shit. More I was worried about the embarrassment. And then second thought was my teeth are too expensive for me to hit my face. And then I was like, oh my gosh. Yeah, thankfully that's in a public place, but it'd still be embarrassed. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_02But I one time in college, I had uh a spell in the shower. I still don't know what it was, it wasn't my period or anything like that, but I almost passed out taking a shower, and I was like, I don't want to pass out in the shower. Like, someone has to what do I do? And what if I hit my head? You know, like I don't know. Thankfully, I caught it in time, was able to get out of the shower and go lay down, but like I'm naked. Yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01I've known you long enough, I wouldn't care, but as a person who's had a recent medical emergency, when you're that out of it, trust me, you don't care. I didn't have a care in the world, Marion.
SPEAKER_02I just well, I even I say you say that when I had my thyroid surgery and I I came out of the anesthesia. I I had to have a well, I didn't have to have a male, I happened to have a male nurse, a bigger guy helped get me from the gurney to the back of the bed. But I noticed that my gowns were different than what I went in under.
SPEAKER_03Well, yeah, you can't do that.
SPEAKER_02And you when you have surgery, you have to be naked. And I was like, that guy saw me naked. Like in my I even in my drug-addled brain, I was like, this is a different, this is a different uh house coat, whatever they're called. My brain stops.
SPEAKER_01You're like, you're like, oh yeah, yeah, yep, yep. A lot of people saw you naked that day.
SPEAKER_02Yep, I know. But I didn't wouldn't have known it if they didn't change my clothes. Had I been in the same outfit, it would have not occurred to me.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, I've had so many surgeries for so many things that I absolutely had to be naked for.
SPEAKER_02So it is I mean, yeah, and I'm but I also was like 24 at that time. Yeah. But uh yeah, it crossed my mind. It wasn't like horrifying, but they see.
SPEAKER_01I just figured these people see so many bodies all day, every day, and all kinds of states, and so many things coming out of those bodies.
SPEAKER_02Oh, fair yet. I've gotten more comfortable. I mean, of all the poking and prodding and different tests I've had to have. Yeah, you're just kind of like, okay, here it is.
SPEAKER_01Which boob do you need? This one or this one?
SPEAKER_02Those are usually just no way for me. Yep.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_02Um, or like you're gonna have to check that for me because I can't see it from here.
SPEAKER_01Right. But she talks, she does talk about the dying alone or whatever, or being alone. She's and she does point out there's a difference between being alone and being lonely. Yeah. And you know, I think she gives some great advice of like, you know what, you build that friend group. You, you know, don't don't settle with like, oh, I'm alone. Like, no.
SPEAKER_02But I think you should anyway, even if you're in a partnership, I think it's way healthier. I would want my partner to have his group of friends too, like a support system that's not just me. Oh, absolutely. Because again, I don't think you should depend on just the one person, the one relationship to do for everything. I don't think it's healthy.
SPEAKER_01You know, and I and you're absolutely right. And even in a in a healthy relationship or quote unquote, healthy relationship, like where everything's great, everything's gravy, whatever, you know, when Mary and Robert was alive, I we were so entrenched in, like I was entrenched in my getting my doctorate. He was, you know, it was like we we only hung out with me and him and Marissa and my brother. Like that was our little crew, and that was it. And I remember after he passed away, I was like, I have really hardly anybody to call. And I was like, never again. Never again. I'm like, I'm not gonna let my world get that small again. Because, you know, you might even with a partner, you could still end up alone. And not because and not and not because because they cheated or something like that. It's just life, you know.
SPEAKER_02Well, I mean, nobody's planning to be widowed at 39 years old.
SPEAKER_01I know, I know, but it freaking happens, so don't let that world get so small, you know. It's so she's she's absolutely right about keeping that the that circle of friends, have that group, you know, build that that community of people. And so she's just, you know, talking about that. Let's see, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you know, oh, and then here's how she seals that deal with like, you know, basically making sure you have friends and you know, and that you're you know, maintaining that strong friend circle and so forth. And really, at the end of the day, that's your protection. Like, okay, if even if they, if that person something tragic and they and they pass away, okay, you have that friend group. But if something, if they're just an asshole one day and you're like, fuck, you know, the truth of the matter is is don't let them ever become all that you need. And so she's like, remember, nothing scares a man more than a woman who knows she doesn't need him. Which is pretty good, you know. It's like, and and it's not about scaring, but it's like be be still like you're saying to what you're saying, be autonomous. Have your own shit going. You know, don't you know, and that and back to our GLP conversation and about women like going, damn, I really was making this relationship my whole world, and now I really want to focus on myself. And it's like, yeah, focus on yourself, like be still be you. Don't give up everything for this person. Right. And you know, and it's I think it's again, I don't know if it's socialization that happens or hormones when you're young, that it's like you're just always focused on, you know, getting a boyfriend and getting married, and uh, and what are they doing? What are they thinking? And you know, that sort of thing. The romantic the romanticizing. Right, right, right, right, right. It's not complicated. Am I the love of their life? And you know, all this shit that gets in our we get well, think about it. We get like spoon-fed the Disney princess bullshit, all of the 90s rom-com bullshit. Like, it is it was just we were inundated with it. Like, yeah, it was a lot, and kidding, and kind of like it's I I kind of liken it to like waking up from being brainwashed in a lot of ways.
SPEAKER_02Oh, I agree.
SPEAKER_01Like, holy shit, what what kind of Kool-Aid have I been drinking all these years?
SPEAKER_02It is it is wild. Yeah, once you cross over, like, how did I oh how did I fall for this? Yeah, how did I do it? Yeah, oh my god. I mean, still probably the still the most uh the book that had the most impact on my thinking about it was why does he do that? Yeah, oh god, yeah, it's just so good. I gotta try to get back out on my shop.
SPEAKER_01Seven times, I at least every now and again I'll be like, let me know.
SPEAKER_02Oh, just go back to it. Because well, which is partly why, so like even with my little story about the lift driver, uh-huh, I can see more in his behavior than just he did this kind of crappy thing. You're like, that guy does other shitty things. Like, you can just that if he thinks like that attitude is okay and made that choice, yeah. You're that's not the I that's not an isolated incident. Probably already like an angry and resentful person. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, which is why he isolated you to say it, not yeah.
SPEAKER_02I mean, what kind of fucked up a stranger that you dropped out of the airport? So what are you doing to the women that you know in your life? Yeah, anyway.
SPEAKER_01That was let's see if I have anything else circled in here. Because I wrote my notes in here and I didn't should have gone back. I I my whole plan was to go back and kind of go back through this today, and I didn't.
SPEAKER_02It's hard to do. But there's still plenty. I mean, it's a good read. It's it's uh not, I don't know, it's long enough, which so I'm thankful I didn't spend a whole audible credit on it, but I wouldn't have been mad if I did, I guess would say it was at my library.
SPEAKER_01Right. And so here's one, here's a line I have I have underlined, and I think it's worth worth reading. Basically, it's like, I'm not gonna put all my worth and value in the incapable hands of a man who's easily intimidated by women who don't fit within a harmful and bigoted beauty standard. So she's talking about like what it has been like for her and like how guys react to her versus her friends, and she's like, Fuck that. Why would I even put my worth in that in his hands anyway? Right, like God.
SPEAKER_02Well, so what you kind of said it, but I don't know if you did. Her her sort of claim to fame. I mean, she is a podcaster and TikTok. Most of what she does or got famous for was roasting badly behaved men on the internet. Yes, and so that's where some of this is coming from, like giving you a like why she doesn't care if she makes bad men feel bad.
SPEAKER_01Right, because she's she's all that is true. Her fame is built on do like clapping back, if you will. Yeah. And like giving it back to them. And so reading this. Yeah, that's we I've talked about that. Uh, you know, but she she does everything, like she talks about the nice guy, like oh, that's another good list. The types of guys yeah, all the different guys, like the scary guy, you know, the those are the guys that approach you when you seem vulnerable, you know. Like, what does she say? Like, he shows up when you're alone or out at night by yourself and is always in a situation where it's not worth gambling on how a man might react. And so this can include moments like being catcalled on the street, approached in public when you're alone, etc. You know, it's like they see you alone, it's like, oh, vulnerable lady, like come coming at you. Um yeah, so like the different scary guy, the nice guy, the guy who gives you an unforgivable ick. Yep. Um, you know, so she has she gave an ick, like where a guy talked used a word, and she's like, that's not a real word.
SPEAKER_02That sounded so much like you. Part of the deal was he acted like he was smarter than her.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_02So it was the ick was you being an asshole. I mean, like, I don't know. Sometimes it's not an ick so much as asshole behavior.
SPEAKER_01Yes, 100%. And there's that no saving him guy, you know, like he's just yeah, the clut it's just a walking cluster. Yeah. Um, let's see. So, anyways, yeah, it's it I it was it was very entertaining. It's well worth it. You'll fly if you do read it, if you read it and don't listen to it, you'll like you can get through this book in like two hours. Just because it's just easy read.
SPEAKER_02It's like six if you listen to it. Yeah, but two hour easy read. Uh, but I recommend reading that one. And then if you haven't, then read why does he do that? Oh, hell, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Do we need to revisit that again?
SPEAKER_02I think so. Did I email that guy or just say I was going to I think you said you were just just I don't know.
SPEAKER_01I think I did send an email.
SPEAKER_02I'll have to go follow up and see if I really did. Okay. So I was like, we'd really like to have you read your book. Maybe I didn't email him. I always have good intentions to, and then something happens because I want to like spend time thinking about what I'm gonna say. It's a whole problem with ADHD.
SPEAKER_01It's okay.
SPEAKER_02I task, yeah, we can task management.
SPEAKER_01We can we can do a um why does he do that part two?
SPEAKER_02I don't know if we ever did a full episode on it.
SPEAKER_01We didn't?
SPEAKER_02I don't know if we did.
SPEAKER_01I have to comb through. Well, I have to definitely listen to what we've talked about. If we have done an episode on it, right? Say listen to it and then like do so we're not like just repeating ourselves. Because if anything, I'm consistent.
SPEAKER_02It would be terrible if we read it an episode that if it's a weak episode.
SPEAKER_01This is true. This is true, but yeah, no, we can totally revisit why because I like I said, I read it about once a year, probably.
SPEAKER_02I've bought copies for people.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, good. Yeah, good.
SPEAKER_02That's a one that's a pass-it-on book.
SPEAKER_01Yep, it is, it is, and there's a free PDF out there, like you can it's he wants you to have it.
SPEAKER_02I don't know if he made the PDF free, but it does exist.
SPEAKER_01It exists, he hasn't like gone after it to take it down.
SPEAKER_02No, I do think he really does want to help because he's like so appalled at these the way guys, yeah, the way they be.
SPEAKER_01So oh my gosh. So all right, ready to get us out of here?
SPEAKER_02I'm ready to get out of here. Okay, this has been it makes what it makes, the podcast, where we do what we want, and we're out.